PARENTS....

As I have mentioned before my mother is not been well and has been placed in a nursing home. My father is having a very hard time with this because she has been his partner for 68 years. They will celebrate their 65th wedding anniversary in September of 2010. He really doesn't care for the male Nurse or nurses aide to be caring for my mother when she has to be taken care of or toileted. He is the only man that has ever seen her in a state of undressed and he should be the only on the is going to. So when she needs cleaning he gets very nervous when the male nurses aide comes in. There are times when I really believe that he sees her as that young women he feel in love with 68 years-ago. She had fallen once and I flew home to help take care of her, while I was bathing her he came in the room and said "Mommy has the cutest but I have ever seen." he was around 80 at that time.

Well my dad took a pretty bad fall last Monday, he went to the hospital to make sure he didn’t break something. He got 8 stitches on the bridge of his nose, broke his glasses, is missing the tip of his nose and has road rash from his top lip to his forehead. Yes, I know I didn’t mention he landed on his face when he went down. He got an infection in his face and was put into the hospital on Wednesday where he was put on IV antibiotics for this fast moving very dangerous infection. Since he went in he has been having problems with his heart. He stops breathing and his heart rate goes down in the 40's. He is telling everyone that he has died and there was no one there to greet him so he knew he had to come back for "Mommy" the wife that he has loved for so many years.

I really believe that my parents bodies are ready to die, but my parents spirits/souls don’t want to go without the other.

I love you Mom and Dad and when you go I will see you again because it is just the beginning of you next phase of your souls travels.

My Friend Dar

As you live your life you have meet many many people. You have made room in your heart for some of these people, you may have lost contact with some but if it is meant to be they will come back into your life. Once I have a friend I consider them a friend forever. They have gotten a piece of my heart.I have just that type of friend. We have been friend in my heart since 1973. We have lost track of each other and then we find each other and then we are apart again. I am the type of person that if it means hardship or hurt for a friend I will back out of their life so they can get their life together without my influence ( not that I have that much influence).
We met when I started dating her brother. He was my heart and soul, the person that could rock my world with just a look. He is mentioned in one of my other blog entries. Her brother is my sons father. He and I really never talked after all the hurt and hateful words.
I never wanted myself or my son come between them and when I felt we were we would leave and let them work it out. Some of his family has always listened to talk about the fatherhood of my son and it wasn’t their brother. His mother may all the Gods Bless Grannies heart and soul knew the "Timber" was her grandson. Darlene knows but no one could ever get Oney to believe it. I have always wanted him to but there are just some things that are out of ones control. Back then we didn’t have DNA test. I have to believe that deep down in his soul he know, and that there can't be anyway he can ever make that up to his only son and his first born.
Anyway I found Dar on face book and we talked on the land line for hours last night. I learned some joyful thing about everyone and their grandchildren and I learn some things that hurt my heart, I was very sorry to hear that James R died (that is Dars dad) my son was named after him.
I learned that Dars nephews son died a year ago at 15, and that is something I could never imagine happening at such a young life not do to illness just because life was something he couldn’t handle any longer. I remember when he was a little baby.
I just want to say Dar I have thought of you very much in the last 14 years since I left so that there weren't waves. I am sure glad I found you again and I hope at our age we don’t drift apart again.
I love you my friend....Dar Poo

I have very strong feelings about family. I am having a lot of problems with my family. Not really with my children but with their extended families and my parents.
First we will do the parents.
I feel extremely bad that I live so far away from them. I know I am not the only child, I have two (2) older and two (2) younger brothers and sisters, but I am the one that is the furthest away. I have a brother in North Carolina, a sister in Michigan, a sister in Montana and a brother in the same town my parents live in. I understand that we all have our own life’s now but still the feelings are there, I would say the closest feeling is guilt because they have always been there for me and I am not there for them. My mother has been ill and in and out of the hospital. She was put into a nursing home and fell and the fall caused bleed on the brain, then she had a stroke. Or she had the stroke and then fell it is up in the air which came first. Kind of like the chicken or the egg. Since my mother is no longer living at their home my father is having problems, he wants his wife home where she belongs. He feels no one should be able to tell him that he cant live with his wife as man and wife. They will be celebrating their 65th anniversary
Sept 1st 2010, it amazes me that some people can stay together and stay in love for that long.


Now to my children and their families.
My children are great they can pains in the butt I know but I am sure everyone can.
I have 2 children’s that are mine in my heart born from another mother but will always be mine.
I have 3 of my own that I carried and gave birth to. My oldest son is called Timber Wolff he live and works in New Orleans Louisiana. He is 36 and engaged to a nice young lady. They have their problems he works, she is looking, they live with friends. He is an unpublished screen writer. He has some of his plays done while in college. But nothing since. I have read his stuff and if that kind of stuff is what you like it is good. He writes about the monsters that live under your bed or in your closet where the portal to another plan is. I guess the apple didn’t fall to far from the tree there….. I believe in things like that but don’t write about it. Timbers natural father never stepped up to the plate. I guess he was as scared as I was when you are young and your girlfriend gets knocked up. He said things that hurt the heart and I left and had Timber on my own. He looks like his dad. His dads family won’t believe that Ken (Timber) is their blood but I know, and that is all that matters to me. Oney just will never know the best thing that ever came from him. But I will.


My daughter is Great, she is a nurse in Wisconsin, her husband teaches at a community college. She has had her trials in life. She has been fighting a rare disease that eat her bones from her shoulders up. Her jaw bone mostly. She was molested at age 9 by my ex-husband (second husband). He was put in prison for 7 years out in 3 ½. Then he fell off the radar. I don’t know where he is and I really don’t want to know. Rotting in hell would be fine with me.
Jenni is a head strong person and won’t take any shit from anyone. She has grown up to be one of those children a parent just sits back in awe, I am extremely proud of her.
Her husband is great also. He puts up with her illness and her hard headedness so he has to be pretty good.

Then there is my youngest and his family. He will be 27 in July. His wife is a few years younger and they have 3 kids. 5, 3 and 2. They are the loves of my life. And here is the problem. The state was called on them and my daughter in law is sure that I had it done. So I cant see my babies. I went from getting them for weeks at a time, seeing them 3 or 4 times a week. To not seeing them at all. My heart is braking every-time I think about it.
I was good enough to live with and help with 3 babies, good enough to give them all of my pay check so that they can make a car payment or insurance. But when they do something that might have hurt the children I am the bad guy. I didn’t call the state I should of many many times but never did. I knew what type of person my daughter-in-law and her mother are and I didn’t want anything to happen where I couldn’t see the children and make sure that they are okay. I would have never let the children be harmed in anyway but I have to see them to make sure they aren’t.
Then it came out that I can’t see my grand children because of my beliefs, I am Wiccan and very proud. I don’t feel I should be judged because of what I believe. I have NEVER done anything in front of my family. I am very private when it comes to my spells, chanting and ceremonies. If you ask me about my faith I will tell you. I don’t force it on anyone just like I don’t want any other forced on me.
These have been my beliefs for as long as I remember as far back as the early sixties (1960s) when my friend and I started meditating and chanting. Like it was just born into us. And in high school I was the weird one that believed in reincarnation and wasn’t afraid to talk about it, and how we would levitate our friends at parties. I was raised in a family that went to church and my parents still do. But when you die and a rise again is reincarnation or becoming a zombie? Then you ascend to heaven. I believe in the Creator and all of his children, brothers, sisters what ever you want to call them.
Mother earth, Father sky, Mother nature, Father moon the Creator made it all for us to love and take care of.
I believe and have strong feelings in what goes around comes around.
PLEASE let me see my grand babies.

Please Dont Judge Me

Please don’t judge me or assume you know my values, my religious beliefs, by what you have heard, seen on the TV or just assume.
I am a Wiccan, as apposed to Catholic, Protestant or Baptist.
Wiccan :
Wicca is a contemporary spiritual religion, based on and reviving the ancient pre-Christian pagan religions of Europe. Wiccans believe in a Divine Force or power as the source of all. It is both imminent and transcendent while encompassing the whole universe.
Therefore the world and all aspects within the world,
“nature” and “life in particular” are sacred to me.
I believe in the “Creator”- Divine Force, God, Buddha, Jehovah what ever you believe she/he is. I believe without her/his magic that we would not have our beautiful “Mother Earth” and “Father Sky” and all that is part of the earth.
I believe in angels that watch over us. They are guarding us from harm. Some are here to help us in our transition to the next plan. I call it Summerland you may call it Heaven.
There is no Satin or Devil in my belief. But there is evil all around. If in word or deed.
I believe in family that you love your family unconditionally. Your parents, mate, your children and their mates and their children. You may not agree with them on all points of life but you never stop loving them. You always respect and learn from the elders so that you can teach the children love and respect.
I believe you treasure your friends because as you go through life you only collect a few friends of the heart and you have many acquaintances.
So please don’t judge me by what I believe. I adhere to one overriding ethical precept as stated in the “Wiccan Rede”
“Do what thy wilt, Though it harm none.”